just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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