Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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