Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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