Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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