ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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