We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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