good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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