Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize