There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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