I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize