Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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