Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize