i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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