There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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