i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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