Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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I want her autograph on my taint
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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