He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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