You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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