Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
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she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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