I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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