Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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