I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
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I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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