in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
splinters make it hard to masturbate
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize