I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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