You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
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You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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