it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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