He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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