the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think my nap took me to another dimension
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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