Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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