It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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