Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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