tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize