Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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