yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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