Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize