He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize