Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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