just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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