you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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