hell yes lets make some ravioli
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
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