i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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