So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is Oprah even human
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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