She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize