And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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