My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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