the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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