So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize