thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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