It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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