She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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